Lesson #1

When you first drive into Texas you will notice a few things:

#1: Turn signals are apparently optional equipment on automobiles sold in Texas. No one uses them. You are supposed to psychically channel the other drivers so you can predict their next lane move.

#2: Everything is bigger in Texas. That includes automobiles. If you drive a small, practical, gas efficient car, be prepared to be intimidated...a lot. Texans drive trucks and SUVs. And they're all BIG. In California Mercedes and Lexus are status symbols, here it's a jacked up Ford F450. If you want to fit in, go directly to the local car dealership and buy the biggest truck on the lot.

#3: Bigger means privileges. When you drive a big truck or SUV you can do what I have named "Intimi-driving". Big trucks drive right up to the very back of your car, almost to where they can read the VIN number on your vehicle in an attempt to get you to move out of their way. There is no point arguing. Just move over and wave. It's the friendly thing to do.

#4: No, that's not a 'bigger' version of 'the finger'. When I first moved here, I thought I was being flipped off...a lot...and particularly in my neighborhood. I wasn't. Here in Texas, they wave, all the time. You just kind of get used to driving along and waving at people you don't know. Thing of it as a pretend parade. The purpose, near as I can figure, is to let people know that you see them. Thus preventing crime problems, which in turn lowers the number of crooks being shot. That, and people are just plain friendly out here.

#5: Off ramps and On ramps: I hope you have noticed that most of the highways here are elevated or at least good portions of them are elevated. Have no fear, no earthquakes here to collapse them. ***A little lesson in Texas-speak: What we call "frontage roads" they call "feeder roads". More on Texas-speak in a future blog*** Ramps here are located in the left (or 'fast') lane of the feeder roads. What we had in California, they call "suicide ramps" here. Always remember that Texas on ramps are superior to California on ramps and you'll be fine.

#6: Embrace the loops. Make them your friend. Since that's the only way you're ever going to get to where you want to go.

#7: Immediately remove all references to California from your car. Californians aren't particularly well liked here (although they are better tolerated than "Northerners"). Join a local church, put one of their bumper stickers on your car. That will immediately remove the impression that you're "not from around here".